The Bible must be either 100% true or 100% false.
The Bible says the Earth is was created by God in 4004 BC.
Ten Commandments of Evolution/Atheism:
Thou shalt have no theories before me, for they are pseudoscience.
Thou shalt be sexy and pass on thy genes to thy species, but not to thine immediate nor extended family.
Thou shalt adapt and overcome problems.
Thou shalt live in harmony with thy fellow beings.
Thou shalt not overproduce.
Thou shalt not genocide other creatures.
Thou shalt be intelligent and not gullible.
Thou shalt live only a short time, and better creatures shall take thy place.
Thou shalt spread throughout the universe.
Thou shalt not make the world inhospitable for other creatures.
The Onion brings us another gem. This time its the gizmos and gadgets that piss us off and dont come with the hardware they are supposed to, or much less the right software. Its real life meets satire. Or satire meets real life?
Now this is a story all about how I ascended to the seat of power If you’ll listen for a minute Hear what I say I’ll tell you how I became President of the U. S. of A.
In west Honolulu, born and raised In Jakarta, where I spent most of my days Chillin’ out in Chi-Town relaxin’ all cool Organizing communities like I was a fool When a couple of guys With a disdain for peace Started making trouble in the Middle East They started two little wars and we all got scared The people said "We need a president who isn’t mentally impaired!"
I ran a perfect race, turned red states blue Swept electoral votes, added Rham to my crew With a mandate for change and Constitution in hand I’ll dance on the Colonnade singing, "Yes we can!"
I got to the White House about 7 or 8 And I yelled to the Bushes "Yo holmes, smell ya later!" Looked at my office There were no corners there Sitting at the Resolute Desk, signing universal health care.
My life is spiraling downward. I couldn’t get enough money to go to the Blood Red Romance and Suffocate Me Dry concert. It sucks because they play some of my favorite songs like Stab My Heart Because I Love You and Rip Apart My Soul and of course Stabby Rip Stab Stab and it doesn’t help that I couldn’t get my hair to do that flippy thing either like the guy from that one band can do.
I’m an emo kid, nonconforming as can be You’d be nonconforming too if you looked just like me I got paint on my nails and makeup on my face I’m almost emo enough to start shaving my legs
Cause I feel real deep when I’m dressing in drag I call it freedom of expression most just call me a fag Cause our dudes look like chicks and our chicks look like dykes Cause emo is one step below transvestite
Stop my breathing and slit my throat I must be emo I don’t jump around when I go to shows I must be emo
I’m dark and sensitive with low self esteem The way I dress makes everyday feel like Halloween I have no real problems but I like to make believe I stole my sisters mascara now I’m grounded for a week
Sulking and writing poetry are my hobbies I can’t get through a Hawthorne Heights album without sobbing Girls keep breaking up with me its never any fun They say they already have a xxxxx they don’t need another one
Stop my breathing and slit my throat I must be emo I don’t jump around when I go to shows I must be emo Dye in my hair and polish on my toes I must be emo I play guitar and write suicide notes I must be emo
…My life is just a black abyss you know? Its so dark and its suffocating me, grabbing a hold of me and tightening its grip. Tighter than a pair of my little sisters jeans…Which look great on me by the way…
When I get depressed I cut my wrist in every direction Hearing songs about getting dumped give me an erection I write in a LiveJournal and wear thick rim glasses I tell my friends I bleed black and cry during classes
I’m just a bad, cheap imitation of goth You can read me ‘Catcher in the Rye’ and watch me jack off I wear skin tight clothes while hating my life If I said I like girls, I’d only be half right
I look like I’m dead and dress like a homo I must be emo Screw Xbox I play old school nintendo I must be emo I like to whine and hate my parentals I must be emo Me and my friends all look like clones I must be eeeeeeemo
…My parents don’t get me ya know? They think I’m xxx just because they saw me kiss a guy…well a couple of guys but I mean its the 2000’s can’t 2 or 4 dudes makeout with each other without being gay? I mean chicks dig that kinda thing anyways.
I don’t know diary sometimes I think you’re the only one who gets me. You’re my best friend. I feel like tacos.
The song that proves that all you need to be a pop star is four simple chords. The audio is accompanied with a slide show of the original artists. Different recordings of "4 Chords" will vary as the band continually updates the song with the latest hits that use the structure.
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